Epiphany #1

As it turns out, I prefer my yogurt with granola ON THE SIDE...  who knew?

--finn

Words...

"The difference between the almost right word & the right word is really a large matter--it's the difference between the lightning bug and the lightning."

--Mark Twain 1888

I was about to write a post based on that quote.  I'm sorry I just can't.  I've truly froze at the brilliance of Twain.  It's like trying to play a guitar solo after Hendrix, forget it.  I'm done.  I'll have to think of something else.

--finn

This is news?

So apparently the McRib is "BAAAAAAAACK!"  Funny how I always see this, yet never notice when it goes away...  So sorry Mr. McDonalds, I guess I have more important things to worry about.

--finn

Don't Laugh

Is there a greater joy in this world than the desire to laugh when it is entirely inappropriate?  Stifling laughter is just one of the most impossible yet wonderfully excruciating things a human being can endure.  It occurs at a time when you're with friends or at the very least like minded friendly people, so that's always good.  And then the moment of release, when the levee breaks, is so satisfying (well, most of the time).  I will never forget the time I became friends with a kid in high school named Brian.  We had been "friends" before but on this day in shop class, it locked us up.  We walk into the room and there is a substitute teacher and his nose.  I mention them separately because this guys honker needed its own introduction.  (I might as well just say now that I am going to run the gamut in the next few sentences of euphemisms for big noses, this bit really doesn't work without it, so my apologies if I offend).  You know the old saying the gorilla in the room or elephant in the room, I don't know which you prefer but nonetheless there is a big thing in the room and everybody knows it but is supposed to ignore it somehow?  Well, this guy had an appendage that when he turned around you were tempted to duck.  I'm not kidding, you could land a helicopter on this thing!  So the guy has this look on his face that just screams 'I know you're looking at my nose and I don't like it' thing going on and no one will look at him.  And the room is eerily silent.  For me, I am trying so hard not to laugh at the awkwardness of the situation I stare at the table in front of me.  These tables are 8' X 8' shop tables at which four of us sit at the various corners and Brian and I would normally look directly at one another.  Not today however, today we are both looking down.  The silence is deafening.  All we could hear is this guy breathing.  Now think about that last sentence for a moment.  Yes, we could HEAR HIM BREATHE!!  I'm giggling right now at the very thought.  (my goodness am I dragging this story out or what?)  My 14 year old self is currently biting the inside of my mouth to keep from bursting out in laughter.  I decide to look up and notice everyone is uncomfortable... with the exception of Brian who is in the same boat as me, we immediately look down after momentarily noticing each others predicament.  Meanwhile, the teacher begins role call in one of the most nasally but deep voices I can't even begin to describe.  Well, here's the math at this point: nose + voice = potential explosion.  I am shaking trying to hold it in.  I can't look at Brian because he's shaking too.  And the alphabetical list of names is coming ever closer to mine.  Brian's is much more toward the end.  All I have to do is squeak out a normal everyday "here" without exploding.  Which at this point is IMPOSSIBLE.  The closer my name comes the harder I shake, but then the teacher notices the movement and stands directly behind me, looming over me with that cavernous precipice.  Then Mr. Snuffleupagus says "Is there something humorous?"  Brian and I fall about the room laughing uncontrollably.  "Perhaps you would like to tell Mr. Webster what you find so funny?"  Mr. Webster of course being the principal.  Being the brutally honest person I am, I told Mr. Webster the story.  Which was great because he himself had trouble holding in a laugh and that made my day.  So what was he going to do, put me in detention for laughing?  (a logic point I made sure was not lost on him).  So he sent me to the library for the rest of the hour.  Which brings me to one of the most luscious forms of funny, unintentional comedy.  Love it, love it, love it.  (but that's another post altogether) And if you know what I'm talking about then you've been in countless situations where the same thing has happened to you.  Treasure those moments.  They can be so rare.  

--finn

The Nacho Chip Factor

Today I matched wits with a manager of a Taco Bell in London, KY.  Now come on don't look at me like that, he had it coming.  All I wanted was to ask politely if there was the potential of swapping my cinnamon twists in my Big Bell Box for some nachos (a swap my local Taco Bell has no issue with, in fact, it was their idea and now I've grown accustomed to it and speaking of my local Taco Bell, I don't even like those people and I blame them for talking me into the Triple B meal in the first place (somebody get marketing on the phone, that's good stuff, I mean come on, Triple B meal!!?  That was right off the top of my head.  LOVE IT) in the first place when I know I'm not going to eat all that food and if I did somehow pull it off its going to wreck me for the rest of the day).  Well I was barely in my third word of the sentence when he started shaking his head as to the negative.  Which got my gander up as they say.  (you know I have to be honest, I don't know if anybody says that.  I don't know who, if anyone, would ever say it.  I don't even know what my gander is and maybe it should never be up as it were.  This is really not something for me to decide, I think I shall just keep my gander... ummm what?  down?  errrr, STANDARD, shall we say, for the rest of my life.  Sorry about all the gander folks!)  Where was I?  Oh yeah, dude didn't even have the full question and he's already shaking his head.  He said he, and I quote, "cannot" do it.  Cannot.  So since the line was moving slowly, I decided to counter, "well you could but you are choosing not to, and I can respect that."  The reply "sir, I cannot and you need to understand that if I do that there is no way for us to make an accounting for the chips."  I could have left that alone, but I CHOSE not to.  I said, "there is actually nothing true about that statement.  I do not need to understand and I highly doubt there is so much accounting in the Taco Bell world that you would need to count your chips or something like that."  And with the most condescending smile he could muster so as to suggest how truly ignorant I was,  this guy says,  "oh yes we do."  So now I'm apparently dealing with the CEO of Southeastern Taco Operations and I didn't know it.  So I said, "Listen, there Mr. Greenspan (ok, I didn't but I probably should have) are you seriously inferring here that your chip supply is under such tight control that a bag of them would upset the levels of sanity to such a degree that this fine establishment would go under from the sheer weight of such a transgression?"  (Ok, I didn't but I probably should have.)  The end of the story is this:  I traded barbs with the guy for a few minutes and at the end, I went outside to "enjoy" my meal and low and behold, there was a bag of nachos in there.  Now here's where I hope that one of two things took place.  One, Mr. Manager decided that my logic was irrefutable and ultimately decided to say he would no longer challenge me in contests of logic, because I would clearly be the victor.  OR (and I don't know which one I like better) some dude in the back who makes the food who knows that he would be a much better manager than the putz up front due to his far superior grasp of what customer service truly is, knowing full well he will one day be not just a shift manager but perhaps even a manager of an entire region of fake mexican food establishments, overheard our conversation and just could not let me go home without my well earned chips.  That guy understands what it means to face impossible (the cannot if you will) or the choice of doing one thing or another.  That guy, if he exists, gets it.  He realizes that the only true result in giving me my desired side item was that it would make me happy.  No banks would close down, the food service industry wouldn't need a multi-million dollar bail out.  No adverse affects to the ozone layer would take place.  And certainly the bean couters at Taco Bell would never so much as notice.  And it all boiled down to the fact that my man quite simply did not want to give me nachos.  And we all knew it.  And what is truly sad is his explanation probably is the end of it for 99% of humanity.  Most would give up and not push any further.  Most would go "oh, ok" and go about eating their fully flavored, yet nutritionally inept offerings without so much as a "why not?"  Now, I'm not so much of a nerd as to be able to tell you the exact thing that Yoda said about this but I remember him saying something to a whiny, pansy Luke Skywalker something along the lines that always it was with him (you know how Yoda talked) was what was not possible, when truly it was.  Don't try, just do, or something like that, you know where I'm going with this.  Really we are only bound to the extent by which we are willing to deal with the consequences of making the potentially wrong choice.  He was not physically incapable of getting me the chips (as much as he would like me to believe it was true) and the world as we know it would indeed go by quite unchanged if there were a sudden disturbance in the nacho chip/cinnamon twist continuum.  And after all of this, I am left with one totally inescapable conclusion on this matter, and that is this:  Yoda would make one fine Taco Bell Manager...

--finn

Keep it Real...

Today a truck driving in front of me kicked up an empty bag of Garden Salsa Sun Chips (my favorite Sun Chip so I noticed right away) and it blew past me as if no one cared where it would eventually land...  Unless its in some guys yard at which point he'll probably dispose of it in a fairly ignominious fashion.  So that got me thinking... What is it with the chicks and the shaving off their eyebrows and drawing in “new” ones? This whole process has perplexed me for ages. OK, so let me say straight out that if you or someone you love suffers from some unfortunate condition like alapicia or some affliction that causes your hair to fall out this rant may come off a bit insensitive and/or sound like I am poking fun. These people are not my target market and I apologize if I offend... That being said, WHAT'S WITH THE CHICKS AND THE EYEBROWS!!??? Outside of a tweezing incident gone horribly wrong I cannot imagine a scenario that shaving off ones eyebrows would seem like a GOOD idea!  I can't wrap my head around it. I can't fathom how difficult it must be to draws those things on every morning. Think about it, they have to MATCH! If not you look like you're questioning everything everybody says, with that raised eyebrow “are you sure about that” look. What if they're not even? Grab the erasure and start over. Too high and you look surprised... constantly.. all day. Too low and you're angry despite perhaps a smile or some other indicator that would dispel such a conclusion.  You would be a walking paradox.  I never think about my eyebrows, and yet when I'm in the same room as someone who draws their own I cannot stop thinking about theirs. There is NOTHING natural looking about taking a sharpie and drawing a line above someones eye in a vain attempt to replace something that need not be replaced. Yet this seems to be the desired effect many women are going for. Sometimes I just stare at them and think there was a point for them before leaving the house that they said, “yup, I'm good” or “that's what I'm looking for” or at least “I'm ready to go.” I could not disagree more. You are scary looking. I look on in abject horror that this look is what you are somehow wanting. Why is it this way? Why is it that people will go to such extremes to feel like they look good. I barely trust my own judgment to pick out a pair of jeans by myself, much less deciding if my hair looks alright, and I don't have that much of it to begin with. Why do people do this to themselves? We put so much emphasis on the package, and so little on what's inside. Who cares if I'm an idiot as long as I'm pretty.   And it must be said that some people pull it off.  Being evil and/or stupid yet good looking that is.  But others do not.  Do not in a bad way.  So that's why I love Sun Chips. Sun Chips make me happy. Why? I will tell you, because not only did someone concern themselves with the taste of these dudes, but also that they are somewhat good for you. That may take a little bit more time and effort, but the fine folks at the Sun Chips plant feel its worth it and so do I. We need to make it less about the package and more about what's in it. Otherwise people will just throw you out their window and you'll blow around wasted in the wind like the empty bag you probably are.  Sun Chips and eyebrows baby, that's what I'm all about...  Let's keep them both REAL!

--finn

So dogs are supposedly man's best friend...

But I've never taken a dump on my best friend's floor...  well there was that one time back in college but I believe my point still stands.

--finn

Help me with something...

So I went to see a movie today.  What is it with the people and their need to react audibly to movies?  I don't get it.  With the exception of laughter at appropriate times, there really are few other noises a human needs to make during a movie.  Some guys I think just can't help themselves.  I saw this movie in Nashville and I can debunk the stereotype that certain ethnic groups talk to the screen during movies because it was a mostly caucasian affair today.  But that's besides the point.  I'm just trying to understand the mentality of these dudes who think they need to vocalize their reactions in such a loud manner.  I'm not talking about the involuntary shrieks or gasps that a surprising moment might bring.  I'm talking about the guy who cheers when the hero triumphs over something.  Or when anything a person allows out of his mouth actually forms a sentence much less a short phrase.  SHUT UP!  Is what I say.  Well, I don't "say" it per se, I actually think it.  I'd hate to be hypocritical... or perhaps... the target of a violent attack should I offend some monolith with my superior thinking.  The big one though, what's with the clapping at the end of the movie.  Who are you clapping for?  Do you think that the producers are in the building?  Is the director getting updates from the theater?  "Did they clap?  No?  Crap!  We must have done something wrong..  I knew that cameraman was an idiot!  Thanks for your help Bob."  And while we're on the subject of movies, I'm tired of the little make-you-sit-though-the-credits-to-see-the-last-scene scheme.  Dude, just make the end of the movie the end of the actual movie.  I don't need to know who the Best Boy or Key Grip guy was.  Give me a break, that is really only for the dudes that are there to see the movie with his friends.  "I told you I worked on that movie cracker!  Give me my five bucks!"  Why do I have to sit through that crap to see the final scene?  Problem is, I'm starting to do it at all movies now so I don't have somebody say, DID YOU SEE THE LAST SCENE???  And I didn't and now I feel like an idiot.  But then when there isn't anything at the end of the movie, I just wasted 20 more minutes that I could've used elsewhere.  But hey I found out what washed up one hit wonder rock star wrote that song from the scene when that band was playing in the bar.  Useless, much like the crap that some dude is spouting off with during a movie making me miss out on dialog I wanted to hear... 

--finn

More of me at Mule...

This is a youtube clip of the last song of the 2nd set taken by somebody in the audience.  First off you see my big melon all through the vid right down in front, but at the 3:39 mark Warren tosses his pick at me, and I snag it.  Then at the 4:05 mark you see the guy who offered me the $100 for a pick come up and formally tell me he needs to hit an ATM and that he'll be right back.  He wanted that pick BAD and was afraid I'd leave.  He should've been more afraid of finding out he could've gone on ebay and snagged one for $20.  But I'm a businessman, its not my job to inform people of such things.  At least not while my shop is open!

$100 is a $100, and concert tix aren't cheap!

--finn

Video I took of Warren...

So good...  even cooler he threw out the pick he's playing this solo with and I was able to snag it. A guy behind me literally offered me $100 for it.  I couldn't believe that someone would offer that much, but he did.  I wanted the pick of course but $100 is a $100!  Keep in mind this is one of my favorite songs and the pick from it was quite a souvenir.  But if he was serious I was taking it.  Cool thing is I ended up catching another one and the guy came up to me and asked if I was gonna take his offer.  So I sold him the other pick and kept this one.  Again, I couldn't have scripted a better night.  I just don't think I could've thought something like this up...  

--finn

GOVT MULE!

So the Mule played in Bowling Green tonight.  I could not have been more excited.  Imagine your favorite band coming to your town, a town where NO BANDS come to, especially a band as big as this.  It just doesn't happen.  Even cooler was the fact that I scammed my way to the front row right in front of Warren.  You could NOT have given me a better seat in that entire place (and the place was tiny, 800 seats) than where I sat for this show.  Even cooler than that was that we got backstage and hung in the dressing rooms long enough to chat up Warren and get some pics.  I just tried to look like I knew where I was going and no one decided to question me (I have a friend who is a backstage ninja, we followed his plan and it worked to a T).  It was an awesome show.  If you told me I could have any seat in the place before the show I would have picked the very seat I was in, no question.  Some VIP dude missed out, apparently I didn't look like someone they wanted to ask to move.  Fine with me and the couple of friends that made their way up to sit next to me.  If I scripted the night to go the way I wanted, I probably would've thought some of the things that happened to be just too much and not written it that way, but all of them did.  Very cool, here's some photographic proof of one incredible night for me:

The view from my seat...  Mr. Warren Haynes

Warren and I backstage after the show...

Matt Abts and me behind the venue...

Danny Louis and me...

(Danny) Andy Hess and me...

Me checking out Warren's rig after the show...

--finn

SUCCESS!!

Well friends, good times were had by all I hope.  I have to tell you I've had great days cooking before but this one was sweet.  The BBQ turned out awesome.  You know the game is a little scary sometimes because you can do all your best stuff and come to find out you bought a piece of meat that the great ones couldn't get tender.  But I am happy to announce that I got a couple of very nice hunks of meat and they came off excellent.  Which I couldn't be happier, because I would've been bummed to have to delete these posts and act like nothing every happened but, no need, everything went as well as I could've hoped (better in the case of the brisket).

First off the pork.  I do the butts a lot and this time I did the shoulder (same leg just the other half of it).  I will definitely do it again.  Good stuff...

Now on to the brisket.  I've only done brisket a few times, I'm not gonna lie, you gotta be up to the challenge.  It can throw you for a loop here and there.  Getting a good flavor isn't too hard, its the tenderness that I've had trouble with.  I just knew it could be more tender than what I've pulled off in the past.  Again I attribute it to the cut of meat itself.  Well, if my theory is correct I got a great brisket today.  Tender, juicy and would you check out that smoke ring!!   Mrs. McCool is not a huge fan of brisket and yet is still sneaking pieces of it...

--finn

Looking pretty sweet...

All is going well...  I'm a little concerned about dryness at this point, but let's face it, these are not lean cuts of meat.  There are some happy juices in there.  There has to be.  I started basting anyway, just to be sure and to bring some moisture to the party...

--finn

What a beautiful morning...

Despite the makings of a head cold and feeling kinda crappy, I am really excited about cooking up some seriously good stuff today.  Here's where we're at.  Brisket formed a nice little paste of rub and meat juices that was nice and sticky, and I took the shoulder out of the brine at about 11:00 last night and rubbed it up.  

I usually cook fat side up for self-basting action to go on.  The rub side looked so good and I know that some people cook fat side down I decided to give it a shot.  This means more basting and time but I have a good amount of time today so we're going with it.  I'll make up a beer/vinegar mop up a little later and we'll see how it goes...  Here's what it looked like to start off:

--finn

I'm a Bad Man...

What I am preparing to do seems almost sinful...  unethical to say the least, I must be breaking a law in some society somewhere because I don't know how often a backyard cook pulls this kind of ridiculousness off.  This weekend many people do some Q'n and that's just what I intended to do myself.  The question was however what is usually answered according to my very own whim.  Not today... today it was a conundrum.  Beef?  Or pork?  I know, I'm thinking the same as you.  Sometimes you just can't decide.  Today was that way for me.  So my good readers (have I mentioned how much I love anyone that reads this crap.  I love you all, both of you) with the help of some seriously good meat sales... I decided to cook both.  Oh and we are NOT screwing around.  We are throwing down on brisket and butt.  Would I dare?  Yeah, I know, I'm a bad man.  So I thought I would chronicle my adventures.  So check it out, here's how it all began...

Yeah, not that tasty looking now, but what you're looking at is huge hunk of pork in brine.  If you know your stuff, you know this is pretty cool.  If you don't, just know that it a really cool step that most people don't take because it takes some serious time.  At least that's the reason I hadn't done it before.  But like I said, we're not screwing around this weekend...

(Editor's Note 8:00 am Saturday morning - After literally dreaming about this cooking experience last night I awoke to the compelling need to build a better brine.  I did some research on brining and found a better way to do it involving pickling salt as opposed to normal table salt due to its cold temperature dissolving ability.  Bottom line: I'm just nuts enough that it was bugging me that there was a better way to do it and I wasn't doing that.  So a quick trip to Wal-mart and we're rocking again.  Excitement level is high, however there are some potential weather issues and I may get up insanely early Sunday am to start the process so I can enjoy the nice day its supposed to be then...  Just know I've got some happy meat in the fridge right now.  Did I mention I'm using molasses instead of sugar in the brine? Yeah, I know...)

Oh and what do we have here?  Yup the aforementioned brisket baby!  We are brining the pork and curing the beef.  The cure is essentially my rub slightly more salty, but she's gonna sit wrapped up in that love for about 12 (or more) hours before the heat comes along.  Yeah, I know...

--finn

So let me set the scene...

I'm not what you would call a "good" golfer. Let's just say I have flashes of brilliance, followed by intermittent periods of "AHHH CRAP!!" Its what I do. Anyhoo, I play in this scramble every year and this year it was this past Saturday. I always like to at least have ONE hole. This year it was number 8. I played it rather nicely, and just happened to catch it on video. First check out this monster drive (that actually went straight). Did I mention it was straight into the wind and still managed about 260 yards? No? Yeah, so it was windy... Turn your speakers down, this blast might disturb the neighbors (no, not really... its hyperbole friend, look it up).



Needless to say we kept that shot. The green is down the fairway and to the left behind the trees. My shot put us behind the trees with a high 9-iron to the green. While I don't have video of my 2nd shot, I think this picture might say something... STUCK IT!! No I did not touch this ball, walked up and took the picture, then one of the putt. About 10 feet. Wish I had a camara crew to see that one go over the tree...





I missed the putt, but one of the other guys hit it for birdie. So, enough braggadocious-ness, cuz I was all over the course the rest of the day. Only contributed a couple more shots and my putting was terrible. But I had this... and this was pretty cool!

--finn

In the dictionary under DELICIOUS...

So yesterday I was at our nations largest retailer and noticed some very nice ribs on sale and made the decision I was going to make history. Its been grill week on Food Network (yes, I am a loyal viewer, wanna make somethin of it?) and I just had to make something amazing. And amazing I did... I don't mean to get all braggadocious on you, but I know what I like and I LOVED these.

They are memphis-style dry rubbed, yes with my own homemade rub. Sauce???! You don't need it. Don't even ask for it. Take a bite then shut up and eat, the question won't even be there anymore as your eyes roll back in your head. They smoked for 5 hours and came out insanely tender and... well amazing.

--finn

Raconteurs Live!

One of my favorite bands right now... Saw them live in Nashville in a tiny club like this one. Incredible show...

Click on hear the concert on this story...

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=90769922

--finn

Got a Spare 12 minutes?

SRV at his finest...  This left me speechless.

BTW, there are some great shows on this site.  Highly recommend the Hendrix shows...

--finn

I don't like it here...

Do you have certain restaurants that you make an annual-ish trip to if only on some lower conscious plain to remind yourself how much you don't really like that restaurant?  Certain places sound really good until you go there and then you wish you would've remembered how much you don't enjoy the place.  Mine is Shoney's.  Yeah, I'm not a fan.  But for some reason it ends up in the rotation once in a couple blue moons or so.  So that's all this post is?  I don't like Shoney's?  Seriously man, a month away from the blog and you find two minutes to scribble one out and the best you can come up with is Shoney's is not a favorite?  You're getting weak.  Next time come a little more correct alright?!

--finn