Enough with the Stupid Questions

Why do we as humans feel the need that when a person takes one square in the no-no's that we immediately begin with the "are you ok?" interrogation?  Oh, yeah...  I'm good I just sometimes feel the need to fall to the ground holding myself in this position out of joy.  Yeah, pure joy.  I've done it since I was young.  Perhaps it would be best if maybe you stopped talking to me so the joy can pass and I can fully appreciate it?  Do you think that would be OK there doc?  I'm only assuming you're a doctor because you seem to have an interest in medical issues.  So I guess no, I'm not ok, I'm probably bleeding internally and I'm questioning my gender at this point, but other than that, pure joy...  I don't get it, we don't think anymore do we?  Don't get me wrong, its taken me years to stop doing this very thing.  Do you know why?  I'll tell you, because stupid people breed stupid people.  Its contagious.  Its just the thing we do.  Its like the "bless you/guzoontight deal (yeah, I know that's not how you spell it, but it looked funny so I left it) when someone sneezes.  What's that about?  Aeons ago people thought you died for a second when you sneezed (!) and that the devil would get your soul, but the ever powerful "bless you" would be the thing to keep that horrid thought from occurring?  Seriously, we need to perpetuate this superstition?  Its just a sneeze people let it go.  And if I go rapid fire on them, calm down.  I don't need one each time.  I really don't want it at all, so let's just keep the blessing in its proper place.  I don't know what that is right now, but I do know its not a stinking sneeze.  In fact the best thing you can do when I sneeze is to act like it didn't happen.  That's all the blessing I'm looking for.  A tissue would be helpful.  Perhaps you could Endust this place one in a while.  That's what you'd call a pre-blessing.  Which reminds me, some people do the thing where they don't let the sneeze out.  No, their "logic" dictates they would rather take that 200 mile an hour pressure and trying hold it between their ears.  How is that healthy?  I'm waiting for the first person to blow their head off one of these days.  Don't say I didn't warn you if it goes down.  What are you trying to do?  Be polite?  Not look dumb?  Let me be the one to say that a normal sneeze isn't the most beautiful a person can look, but you holding one in doesn't really knock anybody over either.  Might want to reconsider that plan.  I want to meet the walmart official that decided that every time somebody walks up to a cashier they have to ask me "did you find everything you were looking for?"  No, genius, I didn't.  I'm just dropping this stuff off and starting the quest up again.  Nanook my guide and I were on the hunt for the Arctic Circle when we came across a walmart and thought shaving cream would be good for the journey.  Yes, crackhead I found what I was looking for, and I'm now paying for it.  Don't you think that if I didn't find everything I was looking for that I would be STILL LOOKING FOR IT?  I hate to be harsh, because its not their fault.  They're just following orders.  But please, for the two people a year that go "I couldn't find the paperclips," can we just let 'em go home without the stinking paperclips?  I'm tired, and I need a nap...  

--finn

Settlers and Explorers

Two roads diverged in a wood and I --

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

--Robert Frost (The Road Not Taken, 1920)

I have a friend who at some point back in 1987 decided he'd heard all the new music he would ever need to hear.  Don't get me wrong, he loves music, but now he'd no longer need anything new.  I'm not saying this was a conscious decision.  By no means.  Who would do that?  Rather, he just scoffs at the notion that there might be a new CD he might want to buy that wasn't produced in the 80's or prior (I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit).  I know this because he once asked me while driving if I LIKED(!) Michael Bolton (there it goes again).  Anyway, I find this fascinating, not so much that someone actually enjoys Michael Bolton, but more the fact of how people reach a point in their lives where they say "yup, I'm good."  "All set, thank you."  And they don't move from there.  "No more new experiences for me."  "I've got all I need right here."  This is a concept I will never understand.  But it shows me there are at least two types of people in this world:  Those who settle and those who explore.  I consider myself the latter and am blown away by the former.  I'm not exaggerating.  It amazes me.  Now again, don't think I don't enjoy things that I've enjoyed before, I do.  I'm a huge fan of things that I liked before and will continue to like again.  But here's the point, they need to be mixed in with new and exciting experiences that will become future favorite pasts.  What is also crazy about this is a settlers reluctance to try new things.  For example the fear that shows up in someone's eyes when someone suggests they try a new food.  You know these people, you perhaps are one.  You have 4-5 mainstay, go-to meals and that's about it.  When you go to a restaurant you order the same thing, even if its a different place.  Basically, you like chicken fingers A LOT.  Probably with barbeque sauce and feel like you're going to die if the place doesn't have Dr. Pepper.  Yeah, I know you.  Scary, isn't it?  I blame your parents.  They are completely the narrow-minded by-product of their own parents narrow mindedness and they're now perpetuating it on to you.  Its not your fault Will... its not your fault Will...  its not your fault Will.  (that's a Good Will Hunting reference for those of you who just watched Harry and the Henderson's for the 10,000th time).  You get uncomfortable with the very thought of trying something that obviously a great percentage of others enjoy routinely.  You see people enjoying things, you hear about them doing it and you physically shiver.  "Ewwww," you say.  "I could never."  You can't fathom the idea of stepping out of the box, the box is comfortable and everything outside of it...  you literally fear.  You probably get the bitter beer face when someone mentions the word sushi and head for the bathroom when the singer says "we're gonna play a new song for you now."  Don't try to deny it!  Its true and you know it.  But now that I've exposed you I want to give you some hope.  You see, in some ways I used to be you.  I had all kinds of walls that I had no real explanation for other than that's the way I grew up.  But now I don't pigeon hole myself into anything.  I look forward to trying something new.  And when I do sometimes its good, sometimes not so much.  Bear in mind though, I'm not thinking in my head that I somehow need to score a touchdown each time.  The key is enjoying the journey.  Enjoy the experience.  I don't settle and neither should you.  Think about it for  a moment, what it is you are doing.  Think about the people who settled in like... Ohio!  My goodness talk about setting your sights low.  Hey here's a big patch of land, let's live here!  Who wants to be that guy?  OHIO??!!  Nothing against the fine people who live there now, but in 1720 I don't imagine there was much to call home.  I mean the Great Lakes to the north, the Appalachians to the south, what made you stop there?  I want to be the guy who didn't stop until he hit an ocean. Lewis & Clark saw Ohio and said "there has to be something better out there, let's keep going..."  And go they did.  The Mississippi, the Rocky Mountains, The Grand Canyon, Yosemite and the Pacific all waited for them.  But Ohio dudes said, naaahhh I'm good, and built a chair.  I think we need to find out what the thing is that puts up the invisible wall.  What makes an explorer settle.  Everyone has to be an explorer at some point.  Why stop now?  And if you're a parent, don't let your children stick up their noses at new things.  Especially the foods.  There is no better way to find out about a people than to enjoy what they enjoy and that starts with the chow.  Yeah, it may be horrible, but then you'd know.  Trust me, you won't die.  And they're would probably be a great story at some point.  

--finn  

Whatever...

I hate the word whatever.  (I even hate its idiot cousin, FINE!  But that's another post)  It is the conversational equivalent to hanging up on somebody.  Shutting them down, kicking their thoughts and feelings in the teeth without a care or concern as to the pain it may cause.  Hanging up on somebody is one of the worst ways to express your anger.  It cuts off the communication that could potentially rescue the relationship from the negativity that has somehow reared its ugly head before you both.  It leaves the person holding this dead line.  Nothing there.  You were there and now you're gone.  No hope of reconciliation.  The person left holding this useless piece of plastic.  Wondering what just happened?  Wondering what was so bad that you can't even hear my voice anymore.  Why and how did it come to this?  What road were we on that suddenly we took a left on Getawayfromme Avenue.  Whatever is just like that.  Whatever is ambivalent.  Whatever is dismissive.  Whatever is evil.  Whatever tells the person you callously throw it at that you don't like the person's thoughts or intentions and you spit them along with some stinging venom right back in their face.  What are you saying when you decide to toss out the 'whatever' retort?  Basically its a you don't matter.  You, your thoughts, your hopes, what have you, they are all nothing.  You are nothing.  How horrible are those words?  NOTHING!?  That's the way you want this person to feel?  By its very definition that's what whatever is.  Like a chewed up, stiff, flavorless piece of gum or the wrapper it came in.  You spit it out not even caring it might end up on some dudes shoe.  Who cares?  I don't care enough to care less.  Indifference.  No one you love or care about in the slightest should EVER be made to feel that way.  Not even for a few seconds.  Whatever is selfish and hateful.  No matter how you want to sugar coat it, some kind of release, some kind of save mechanism.  Tell yourself what you want, its still careless.  You liked me this morning, you'll probably like me tomorrow, why not just like me now.  Why not keep whatever in its positive sense.  Why not whatever your anger?  Why not whatever your need to be spiteful?  Why not whatever your temper?  Why not whatever the things that make us stab at the ones we love.  Even a few seconds of pain is too much.  Isn't it?  How backwards is the thinking that we need to go to war so there can be peace?  People say making up is always fun.  I cannot disagree with you more.  Keeping things on the right path is fun.  Staying away from pain is fun.  I don't need to taste gasoline to enjoy lemonade.  Can't we all just get along?  Put down the dukes there Killer and sit a spell.  Don't whatever me, because I will never whatever you. 

--finn    

Vanity

Do you enjoy spending countless hours in the bathroom preparing for a day with the world only to find that according to their rigid, joyless, pompous, life-sucking, mind-controlling and overly-critical standards that you do not hold a candle to somehow measuring up?  Do find it ridiculous how much money is spent by the hapless and happiness-less to impress the very people they loathe?  Yet at the same time do you find yourself unable to quickly pick out a decent pair of shoes or jeans?  Have you ever bought a shirt you liked only to find out that was last year's fashion and now you can no longer wear it without aghast looks coming the opposite way at the mall?  Do you have a body that doesn't really fit in the standard sizes?  Do you wish that one day you could just feel normal like seemingly so many others are able to?

Yeah, me neither...

--finn