This is news?

So apparently the McRib is "BAAAAAAAACK!"  Funny how I always see this, yet never notice when it goes away...  So sorry Mr. McDonalds, I guess I have more important things to worry about.

--finn

Don't Laugh

Is there a greater joy in this world than the desire to laugh when it is entirely inappropriate?  Stifling laughter is just one of the most impossible yet wonderfully excruciating things a human being can endure.  It occurs at a time when you're with friends or at the very least like minded friendly people, so that's always good.  And then the moment of release, when the levee breaks, is so satisfying (well, most of the time).  I will never forget the time I became friends with a kid in high school named Brian.  We had been "friends" before but on this day in shop class, it locked us up.  We walk into the room and there is a substitute teacher and his nose.  I mention them separately because this guys honker needed its own introduction.  (I might as well just say now that I am going to run the gamut in the next few sentences of euphemisms for big noses, this bit really doesn't work without it, so my apologies if I offend).  You know the old saying the gorilla in the room or elephant in the room, I don't know which you prefer but nonetheless there is a big thing in the room and everybody knows it but is supposed to ignore it somehow?  Well, this guy had an appendage that when he turned around you were tempted to duck.  I'm not kidding, you could land a helicopter on this thing!  So the guy has this look on his face that just screams 'I know you're looking at my nose and I don't like it' thing going on and no one will look at him.  And the room is eerily silent.  For me, I am trying so hard not to laugh at the awkwardness of the situation I stare at the table in front of me.  These tables are 8' X 8' shop tables at which four of us sit at the various corners and Brian and I would normally look directly at one another.  Not today however, today we are both looking down.  The silence is deafening.  All we could hear is this guy breathing.  Now think about that last sentence for a moment.  Yes, we could HEAR HIM BREATHE!!  I'm giggling right now at the very thought.  (my goodness am I dragging this story out or what?)  My 14 year old self is currently biting the inside of my mouth to keep from bursting out in laughter.  I decide to look up and notice everyone is uncomfortable... with the exception of Brian who is in the same boat as me, we immediately look down after momentarily noticing each others predicament.  Meanwhile, the teacher begins role call in one of the most nasally but deep voices I can't even begin to describe.  Well, here's the math at this point: nose + voice = potential explosion.  I am shaking trying to hold it in.  I can't look at Brian because he's shaking too.  And the alphabetical list of names is coming ever closer to mine.  Brian's is much more toward the end.  All I have to do is squeak out a normal everyday "here" without exploding.  Which at this point is IMPOSSIBLE.  The closer my name comes the harder I shake, but then the teacher notices the movement and stands directly behind me, looming over me with that cavernous precipice.  Then Mr. Snuffleupagus says "Is there something humorous?"  Brian and I fall about the room laughing uncontrollably.  "Perhaps you would like to tell Mr. Webster what you find so funny?"  Mr. Webster of course being the principal.  Being the brutally honest person I am, I told Mr. Webster the story.  Which was great because he himself had trouble holding in a laugh and that made my day.  So what was he going to do, put me in detention for laughing?  (a logic point I made sure was not lost on him).  So he sent me to the library for the rest of the hour.  Which brings me to one of the most luscious forms of funny, unintentional comedy.  Love it, love it, love it.  (but that's another post altogether) And if you know what I'm talking about then you've been in countless situations where the same thing has happened to you.  Treasure those moments.  They can be so rare.  

--finn