and so it begins...

Today I grew suspicious of my loofah. I know what you're thinking... you've been there yourself. Its time we spoke of it. How do we reconcile the loofah? What makes him so great, so special, so... magical... if you will, that we can take something that is dirty, rub a frilly piece of plastic over it and what? Its CLEAN?! Yeah, maybe the first time. But! What about the next time? Or even the time after that? What keeps the loofah clean? Is there perhaps another loofah that comes and takes care of him? Does HE have a loofah? WHAT WASHES A LOOFAH!! Yes, of course I know soap is involved Genius! Prepare for devastating logic: Do you know what soap does to the walls of a shower? That's right, it creates soap scum. How can anything that is a primary component of something called SCUM be so pure and honest that it is the determining factor in cleanliness. Do you know what is in soap scum besides soap. You don't want to know and neither do I. Just thinking about it gives me the creeps. This I believe proves your indoctrination into loofah mind control. Oh, don't act like I'm the crazy one. Let's take an honest look at the make-up of the loofah. (and don't think I haven't looked this up on Wikipedia) The aspect of loofahs that make them so effective is the extreme amount of surface area. Each one of those tiny strands of plastic contains millions of square inches. As these millions rub against one another it creates lather faster than your two little hands rubbing at the speed of light. And do you know what else it creates? The perception that you are doing something beneficial. Mind control. I don't mean to get so scientific on you but it needed to be said. Now what is the shelf life of a loofah? WE NEED TO FIGURE THIS OUT! One shower? Two? THREE?!! Now you're just being ridiculous. And now I know what you're thinking... does this guy work for the loofah people?? Get a hold of yourself man! You're slipping back in! I will not sit here and let you go another day rubbing that disgusting piece of plastic on yourself and walk around like somehow you are not perpetuating the very notion that loofahs and all loofah kind are slowly killing us. Because if we aren't clean then what are we? GIANT LOOFAHS! If you want to break free you can join me, Mr. Clean, the Scrubbing Bubbles, that lady from the Pine Sol commercial and Mrs. Butterworth (yeah, she's on board... nice lady) we're taking on the loofah machine ourselves.

Who's coming with me?

--finn